You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
