I wish I could punch you in the face.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
