to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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