Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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