I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
