I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
