i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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