if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
