I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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