did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
