i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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