Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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