Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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