the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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