they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
