She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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