Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
