The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
