The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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