Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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