are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
only you would photoshop your dick
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
