it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
