Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
