You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
