They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
