I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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