I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she looked like the before picture.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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