My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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