you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
