one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
