its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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