Welp...herpes.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
