Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
