do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
