Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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