I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
