My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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