You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
