just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
