On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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