i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
