JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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