She's JV to your varsity
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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