Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
