I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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