For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
