my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
