Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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