i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
