I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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