Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This toilet bowl is my home.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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