So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
