Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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