I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
