why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
