last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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