I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
