I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
