i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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