No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
