I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish life had little blips of pornography
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
