Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
