I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
