I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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