You really coming over, don't trick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
