she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
