Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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