you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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