So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
