i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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