Umm I'm too high to move.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
