Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
