so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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