i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
