I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize