Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
