His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
