Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
