Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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