I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
